I may joke, but I’m not happy about it,
At least my new shoes make me feel good,
Good enough to buy a new bathing suit?
We’ll see.
I joke a lot about my chubby face, my back rolls, and other parts of my body I think are chubbier than the average model. Let’s be real…pretty much everyone is chubbier than the average model and that’s alright, but does that mean it’s alright to make fun of myself? Does that make me comfortable in my own skin? Or am I merely desensitizing myself to my insecurities? I didn’t realize how much I was joking about it until someone told me “You’re beautiful just the way you are, I like your chubby face, I don’t know what you look like skinny.” I know they meant it as a compliment, but it was still really strange to hear someone other that myself call me chubby. I call myself chubby all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready for other people to do that. My feelings weren’t hurt, but it was a wake up call. I have curves, and I am proud of my beautiful curves. Are there parts of my body I want to change? Yeah of course, but joking about full body liposuction isn’t a healthy way to accept myself the way I am. I’m always the one to do back flips convincing beautiful girls they are not fat, but I’m having a hard time translating that into language I can believe for myself.
I bought new shoes. Really cute running shoes that make my feet feel like little snugly and supported buddies J I found wearing slippers all the time made my feet hurt, and made me tired, and made me not want to go to the gym because all my energy is used to get my poor and sore calves and heels where they need to go. I wear sweat pants or lulu’s and I look a little sporty which is different for a girl of curves and someone who doesn’t identify as a sporty person. I’m ok with this look right now because I feel good…and the shoes and pants make my but look pretty darn good too if I do say so myself. This new look inspires my desire to go or the gym believe it or not. You know the feeling…I’m wearing gym clothes and people looking at me as they pass by must think I’m a gym go-er. Mmhmm, me and my cute blue runners, my flattering lulu’s and my awesome behind are a group of gym go-er’s.
Now…This all comes together; the feeling good, the sexy-bum shoe-pants combo. It all comes together to a bathing suit. I haven’t bought a new bathing suit since; oh I don’t know grade 12 and a half-ish? (Before I started my first year for sure.) I am currently using an older bathing suit my mother lent me that my girls up top do not fit in. It’s a cute suit but not exactly stylish or age appropriate. I want to buy one, but they are expensive {the well made ones that make the girls look decent}. The skinny b*tch {pardon ze language} inside of me says “wait till you’ve lost all that university weight till you purchase a little piece of spandex on the Victoria Secret website to cover your body. {http://www.victoriassecret.com/swimwear check it out…the suits are incredible.} The insecure chubby girl feels the same way, in fact she’d rather invest in a full body wet suit, but that too would be skin tight so maybe a moo-moo and we’ll stay out of the water. I’ve been watching a lot of fashion television, and there was a segment done on plus size women modeling lingerie and swim wear…and let me tell you they looked AWESOME! It really opened my eyes to the fact that skin does look better when there’s a little meat under it! Instead of bones, you see flesh, and instead of thighs that are the size of my arms, they touch when they walk like a normal woman! These girls are size 14, and guess what…they have back rolls.
Love yourself, and it’ll love you back.
xo Angie
P.S. Happy International Women's Day!
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